Neighborhood Plagued by Nonviolence

Los Angeles, CA

For the third time in as many weeks, there was an outburst of nonviolent activity in the Echo Park neighborhood of Los Angeles.

Several children played on a park playground peacefully, but some locals felt uncomfortable about the blatant lack of anxiety and danger.

"What the heck is going on around here?" asked "Esther," a resident alien from New Zealand, who asked that her real name not be used. "This is really freaking me out." She noted that due to what seemed to her to be an overall local increase in empathy, people were likely to continue this pattern of not beating each other up and simply failing to shoot each other.

"There goes the neighborhood," she snarled, and continued spray painting.

Many people are afraid that if this could happen here, the nonviolence could spread to other parts of the city, which could lead to a loss of jobs in the prison sector, not to mention the adverse effect on gun and ammunition sales.

With no foreseeable end to the outbreak of decency and kindness that seems to be sweeping the neighborhood, many locals are resorting to activities such as hand holding, kissing or even worse. Officials are concerned that without violence, many will fall in love and that an increase in population may be imminent.

If the trend doesn't turn around soon, officials fear that we may be seeing shocking scenes of friendship like this one breaking out all over the city.