Something Weird Is Going On

It had been bugging me for a few days, but I couldn't really put my finger on it. It wasn't until my sister-in-law was over for dinner and said it out loud that it really hit home. "Do they ever have any conflict?" she asked, gesturing at my children. I was confused. True, nobody was screaming at the moment, nobody was pouring anything on anyone else's head or smashing each other with any of mommy and daddy's most precious things, but... Wait a minute! In an instant, it all became clear. There was only one explanation...

My children had obviously been abducted by aliens, and replaced with very realistic robots. But their behavior was a bit too odd... playing together, helping one another... sharing...! Definitely not of this world, no question.

Or maybe they were just being nonviolent and they've developed a really cool relationship.

Nah, probably the alien robot thing. Guess we'll learn to live with it.

Ruth ruminates about our name

Sometimes people freak out about our name. This is what executive director Ruth Beaglehole says about the whole hulabaloo, and believe me, she knows a thing or two about having a weird name:

I often hear people say: "The word nonviolent! I am not a violent parent! I do not need to go to that place - thats for that kind of parent." When I tell people about our classes at the Center for Nonviolent Education and Parenting, they give me a look that says... change the name! It has been 8 years of questioning about the name, and we're still talking about it! And yes, we are holding on to the name. It can be hard to explain, and yet it is an opportunity to talk about what is the root of our parenting: raising our children with care, to be emotionally healthy, and to have empathy for themselves and others, which is raising children to care. The work of helping our children to become the caring and empathetic adults that we envision is what we call Nonviolent Parenting. In this conversation, we have a chance to discuss what is personal for ourselves - for me it is guiding children to be able to feel their feelings and needs and to be able to name them. It has to do with discipline, praise, consequences, and yes there is spanking... do I get into all this when I am first sharing about nonviolent parenting? Maybe, maybe not... but I do want everyone to understand that it is based on scientific research about attachment and brain development; that ultimately nonviolent parenting is the optimal way to relate to a child. And yes, we are envisioning a social movement for children based on the rights of children... phew! do I have to say all of that!!! - No. We only need to share what feels comfortable for us and in that way we are contributing to the acceptance of the word nonviolence!
- Ruth

The greatest freakin' advertisement for CNVEP ever

This is a really amazing video made as a final project for the CNVEP Parent Educator Certification Program (PECP) by the super talented Grayce "Spielberg" Wey Liu. Congratulations on the certification of being certifically certificated. Or whatever. You know, happy graduation.

Avoiding the inappropriate blog topic

It probably doesn't help anyone's understanding of nonviolent parenting or illuminate the philosophy in any way to blog about how my two year old pooped on my foot tonight. So I'm very sorry, but since that's what I seem to be thinking about at the moment, I'm afraid the blog is canceled for today. Hope everyone is having a nice night.

Parent Educator is feeling better now

I'd like to begin this blog entry by saying that I feel fine now, thanks for asking. Also that it's pretty incredible how hard a four year old can hit.

I was dropping him off at school, and he was feeling sad that I was leaving. I'm pretty sure that he wasn't actually aiming.

Anyway, it happened, and I wasn't wearing the appropriate safety gear. I said ouch. Pretty loudly. Maybe I said something a bit more colorful, it's a bit of a blur.

So there I was, standing in the doorway, breathless and angry. I slammed my keys down on the ground, and turned and stormed (well, limped) outside. I could hear the teacher, who is a saint, saying lots of nonviolent things to my son, beginning to make an empathy book, talking about feelings and needs, etc. while I sat on the pavement and thought angry things about my rotten kid (who, although not a saint, is a really great kid).

After a couple of minutes and lots of self-empathy later, I was still sore, but I was feeling regulated and ready to go inside. I picked up my son and talked to him about his feelings, and set the limit: "these are daddy's favorite testicles, it's not ok to hit them." Or something like that.

We were able to repair the rupture (our connection, not any of my body parts) and a nonviolent time was had by all. Also, it was a hot day and the ice pack felt nice.

Nonviolence at Trader Joe's

This woman was spotted yelling at two children in the parking lot of Trader Joe's yesterday afternoon.

Apparently she had been triggered by the repeated hitting of her esteemed and highly nonviolent buttocks, which "really hurt." It was reported that she sat the children down in the parking lot and loudly demanded that they stop hitting her.

She then proceeded to open up a can of nonviolence on 'em, and gave them some empathy. It seems that the children were not only tired, but hungry. In addition, they turned out to be four years old. She then expressed her own feelings and needs, and repaired the rupture. Also, she returned the children to their parents, which seemed to help a lot.

Read about Ruth, our beloved Executive Director here.

the CNVEP blog is born

Los Angeles, CA

In an exciting moment for computer enthusiasts and nonviolence practitioners everywhere, "blogging" was invented today. It stands for big... og. ogging.? no, blue.. blue hogg. anyway, it stands for something technical and computerish, and has taken the entire office by storm.

Here's the concept. Ruth Beaglehole, founder and executive director of the Center For Nonviolent Education and Parenting will visit here regularly to say interesting things about the philosophy of nonviolent parenting, and to use odd phrases which we will all collectively assume must be some quaint saying from New Zealand. Oh, those wacky kiwis.

There will also be blog entries from parent educators Gisela Burquet, Brian Joseph, Susan Beaglehole, Glenda Linares and anyone else who can be convinced to do it, or who accidentally says something interesting within earshot of the administrator of this site.

It is our belief that soon "blog" will be not only a household word, but that dozens, maybe even hundreds of people will begin to do it. We're visionaries like that.