Laundry, part two

We're not sure if it was food poisoning or the flu.

(Feel free to skip to a different blog entry. I don't really want to hear about this, either...)

This time it was my two year old. Of course we took the sheets off of his bed to clean them. While those sheets were off, he was in our bed...

And then, while our sheets were off, I was holding him...

So I'm thinking about investing in one of these fine looking hazardous materials outfits. Can you put these in the dryer?

(Someone just brought it to my attention that if you're reading this for the first time, or if you're kind of dim, you might not realize that I don't actually think that it's a good idea to wear a radiation suit while holding my sick child... So... No, I don't think it's a good idea. It was intended to be a silly joke. OK?)

He felt completely better the next morning, and ate the biggest breakfast of his life. I felt totally wrecked, and despite two showers, I swear I can still smell it.

Nonviolent parenting angle? Barf washes off. Attachment is pretty indelible. Deep connection is really special, and it's worth it. Hold those little kids when they're healthy and hold 'em when they're sick. Learn to dodge better than me or get a radiation suit.

I promise no more blogs about puke for the rest of the day.

Teen is Beautiful

It happens every Saturday at 11:00am.

They gather here at the Center, a tornado of rabid and vicious depravity...

...what is the menace that plagues our streets?

...I'm talking about...

(cue dramatic music)

...TEENAGERS!!! AAAAAAH!

Each week, our own courageous parent educator, Gisela Burquet, bravely risks life and limb by entering the pit of crazed teens. Here's what she has to say about it:

I know, I know… I hear it all around: teens are rebels, teens are apathetic, teens are withdrawn, teens talk back. See, I happen to think differently. Maybe it’s because the teens I see every week have taught me that, when treated with genuine respect, they are grateful, funny, smart, vulnerable, courageous, honest, and affectionate. And they long for meaningful connections with adults who care for them.

Every Saturday morning a group of parents with their teenage children get together to learn to create nonviolent relationships. The parents in this group have completed at least the ten-week series of the parenting program. They are committed parents, open to deeply listen to their teens. And the teens are committed teens, willing to share their feelings and needs, and their points of view.

And the mix is just beautiful! Of course, not all the teens arrive the first weeks open to share; they have experienced the dominant paradigm enough to be suspicious of adults with authority. But they soon learn this group is an environment in which no one is criticized or judged, and no one is there to be fixed.

Youth and adults take turns in sharing funny anecdotes, vulnerable feelings, conflicting points of view. They listen to one another with respect, they give one another empathy. And the group supports every participant, parent or youth, to feel safe, to be honest, and to be themselves. There’s laughter, silence, tears, smiles, problems, hugs: there’s love. There’s healthy love, created by a group of adults wanting to love their children well, and a group of adolescents generous enough to let them.

I know we have high competition: summer, swimming pools, quinceañeras, programs with friends. But the group keeps growing! Moms invite Dads, and youth invite friends and cousins, who in turn, invite their moms. Yes, we are growing: as a group, as families, as people.

One of the parents wrote on her t-shirt: “Teen is Beautiful.” Are we starting a movement?

Gisela

La Juventud Es Hermosa

Yo se, Yo se… Lo escucho por todos lados: los adolescentes son rebeldes, son necios, son agresivos, son irrespetuosos. Pero yo tengo otra opinión. Tal vez es porque los adolescentes que yo veo todas las semanas me han enseñado que cuando se los trata con genuino respeto, ellos son agradecidos, agradables, inteligentes, vulnerables, valientes, honestos y afectuosos. Y anhelan tener conexiones profundas con adultos que los quieren bien.

Todos los sábados por la mañana un grupo de padres y madres con sus adolescentes se reúnen para aprender a crear relaciones noviolentas. Los adultos del grupo han completado, por lo menos, una serie de diez semanas del programa de crianza. Son padres y madres comprometidos, abiertos a escuchar a sus adolescentes profundamente. Y los adolescentes son jóvenes comprometidos, dispuestos a compartir sus sentimientos y necesidades y sus puntos de vista.

¡Y la mezcla es simplemente hermosa! Por supuesto, no todos los jóvenes llegan las primeras semanas dispuestos a compartir; ya han tenido suficientes experiencias en el paradigma dominante como para sospechar de adultos con autoridad. Pero pronto aprenden que este grupo es un lugar en donde nadie es criticado ni juzgado, y que nadie está allí para que lo corrijan.

Jóvenes y adultos toman turnos para compartir anécdotas divertidas, sentimientos vulnerables, puntos de vista encontrados. Se escuchan los unos a los otros con respeto, se dan empatía. Y el grupo apoya a todos los participantes, padres e hijos, a sentirse seguros, a ser honestos, y a ser ellos mismos. Hay risas, silencios, lágrimas, sonrisas, problemas, abrazos: hay amor. Hay amor sano, creado por un grupo de adultos que quieren bien amar a sus hijos, y un grupo de jóvenes que, generosamente, se dejan amar.

Yo se que tenemos alta competencia: el verano, las piscinas, las quinceañeras, los programas con amigos. ¡Pero el grupo sigue creciendo! Las madres invitan a los padres, los jóvenes invitan a amigos y primos, que invitan a sus madres. Si, estamos creciendo: como grupo, como familia, como personas.

Una de las mamás escribió en su playera: “La Juventud Es Hermosa”. ¿Estaremos comenzando un movimiento?

Gisela

Spreading The Word About Nonviolent Parenting

It's guest blogger time again, folks!

Today's post comes from the notorious "Volcano Boy," a CNVEP regular and genuinely alright guy (this photo doesn't really do him justice.)

Anyway, he was out there spreading the word about the philosophy of NVP and encountered some difficulty. Here's what he has to say about it:

I’m at this party with a bunch of people who would seem to be pretty intelligent judging by their college degrees and their success in the world of having more than decent paying jobs, and I bring up the topic of how I go to “The Center.” We call it that in our family even though my kids are not old enough to have watched “The Pretender” televison show where “The Center” was an ominous place.

Anyway, I gave a brief description of the philosophy of “The Center” and why I go (to be a better parent/person) and one of the ladies said to me and I quote, “I have no desire to be a better parent. I have no problem screaming at my kids.” I was stunned silent. I mean, what the heck do you say to that? I, of course, regrouped and countered with a barrage of empathetic statements.

“Wow, it must be really hard to be such a close-minded person. It must be so difficult on your vocal cords. I imagine the strain on your ears having to hear your own shrill voice must be positively painful for you.”

I guess I need to work on my empathy. This is what we are up against oh CNVEP’ers. Good luck to us all and to us all I wish all good things.

Sincerely, Volcano Boy (active but erupting less and less)

Thanks, V-Boy. Hang in there. Remember when you used to look like this? That's still you, buddy. Hope you have a lava-free day...

NBC Baby Abuse?

I thought that we had seen the worst reality show of all time with "Flavor of Love 3."

Oh, you remember.

It was VH1's scintillating exploration of how a whole bunch of mediocre actresses tried to catfight their way into the heart of former rap star and current oddball Flavor Flav.

Yes, it was a sequel. Things didn't work out with "Hoopz," the winner of season one. Apparently, she was only seeking attention, and didn't really love him.

Shocking, I know.

In season three, Flav wound up with someone named Deelishis. No idea what happened in season two. But I'm sure it was quality stuff.

But NBC has sunk to new depths with "The Baby Borrowers."

In this gem of a show, two teenagers are given a baby for three days and have to...

Hang on. What?

Yeah. A baby. An actual baby. You know, they "borrow" it. Just for three days. They promote the show as "an innovative form of birth control."

Yeah. Right.

NBC assures us that it is absolutely "safer than day care." A "professional nanny" is there watching, and in the house next door (is this really real?) the real parents watch, horrified, on closed circuit tv as the flustered teens have hilarious hijinks with THEIR BABY.

Argh!

I wish I was making this up. Here's a link to this awfulness at NBC.

A lot of child welfare groups have protested, and I expect that CNVEP will do the same, but until a formal press release comes out, let me just say this:

The Baby Borrowers is a profoundly bad idea. Do I really need to say the obvious? That it is damaging to a baby to be separated from its parents and subjected to, you know, "reality" in front of a bunch of cameras and stressed-out teens?

Not to mention the "message" about teen parents. Do they actually think that this bizarre reality show, shot in suburban Iowa(!) will prevent more pregnancies than handing out condoms?

The philosophy of nonviolent parenting calls for a world in which all children are treated with respect and dignity. This show fails miserably on both counts.

What's next? The babies on the show all have to compete for the affection of Flavor Flav (who, incidenally, already has seven children with three different mothers) who will reward the winner with a tiny, gold-plated, baby-sized dental grille?

Go back to abusing washed-up rap stars, NBC. Leave the babies alone.